Tuesday, June 21, 2011

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...

To bring you this. An amazing exercise for voracious readers. It's over tomorrow but give yourself a two day deadline and try it.

Some books and their inhabitants are more like good friends than anything else. They may or may not change your life, but they are there for you when you really need them.

The Complete Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; Douglas Adams, first read 1979, last 2010.

Follow two confused earthlings as they travel across space with two unconventional alien men, a suicidal robot, and a ship with its own mind and meet with bizarre misadventures.

Clever and acerbic British comedy, I laughed uproariously more over these books than any others I've ever encountered.

The Vampire Chronicles; Anne Rice. First read 1982, last 2010. Parts 1-3.

Peel back the layers of the onion and find treasure every step of the way with this historical trilogy that actually improves on the original mythos.

One of the rare stories that is work to read but more than worth it, travel thousands of years and miles in the intimate company of sublime characters.

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood; Rebecca Wells. First read 2000, last 2011.

Explore the deep hearts of the women of the bayou as you return to War Era America and its modern-day survivors.

A small sisterhood of four live through surprising and sometimes tragic lives, never stopping to count the cost of authentic friendship.

Salem's Lot; Stephen King, '90s foreword. First read 1978, last 2011.

A twist on Bram Stoker finds the suave count making a comeback in a rural American town, as you intimately experience the death of a small town's inhabitants through the eyes of a small band of unlikely but intrepid heros.

King takes you into the story personally, causes genuine fear, and gives you characters and imagery you will always want to visit.

The books I haven't read yet.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Everyone Hates Gwyneth

Gwyneth-loathing is a current craze. She publishes a stupid column she calls "Goop" and makes incredibly unaware statements in the belief she's being helpful. Yes, I'm gonna shred her. This stuff is funny.

Just one piece to rip - there's more but I don't want to lose that. Back atcha later.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

All Right, Shredding Meghan

Anthony Weiner Twittered Me!

Screams Meghan McCain from her last column title at The Daily Beast. Wait a minute, what?? Anthony Weiner + Tweet + young woman = SCANDAL! And Meghan was involved? Holy shit, we're in luck, an inside scoop! Or not.

Anthony Weiner TWEETED ME!A few days after Anthony Weiner tried to send a 21-year-old college student a picture of his wiener he also Tweeted me, but it’s not what you think.

Bitch, you don't know my life!

First of all, I didn't think ANYTHING. Why should we? If he'd said a word to you you'd have been screaming it from the rooftops before this scandal ever broke. And honey, you're not all that - men aren't lining up, ok? I'm sure the porn actresses and hookers were much more interesting.

I remember seeing Congressman Weiner’s Twitter account before his scandal and I was impressed by his use of the hashtag.

Oh he'll use your hashtag. Well, not yours. And yes, I'd expect you to be impressed by that. Look! It's a SHINY!!! I can make FLAME appear with this little device in my pocket - ooooohhh.

On May 29, Weiner publicly thanked me for “my kind words in The New York Times and for [my] support of gay marriage.”

Put the quote in the wrong place.

His Tweet has since been retweeted to me a lot this week, with a lot of bad puns and poorly constructed jokes attached. I had started following him back on Twitter.

The dick jokes? Well, if one doesn't want those, one doesn't send a picture of his erect naked dick to strangers. His name just makes it funnier, even if it's not the right spelling.

Although, let it be said, I did not receive any direct messages from the congressman.

Raise your hand if you ever though Meghan got direct (we're not even talking private there, just anything addressed to her at all) messages from Weiner? See, even pervs like Weiner know you're a rat-trap.

This week, my favorite form of social media has been blasted in every news outlet with Weiner’s infamous Twitpic seen around the world.

Ok, then, raise your hand if you're surprised that Meghan's favorite media comes in 140 characters or less? Anyone? Bueller?

Also, she links to the "crotch shot" instead of the REAL dick shot. Anyone surprised she hasn't seen the real picture seen round the world?

TRIGGER WARNING - PENIS SHOT. Oh, you're supposed to do that before you show it? Huh. Learn something every day.

Twitter is the most impulsive form of social media, but it’s still the most celebrated among politicians and pundits within the beltway, which is curious, since it can destroy any sense of privacy. Some of the most popular users include the president himself with 8.5 million followers (he trails Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber), Al Gore with 2.2 million followers and Newt Gingrich with 1.3 million followers. My dad uses Twitter to talk about pork barrel spending going on in Congress, among other things, and my mom brings awareness to her charities and posts pictures of her two Yorkshire terriers Lucy and Desi.

Blah blah - your dad has learned a lot since the campaign. I thought his hands were too bad for typing? Oh, that's what you meant about being written by press secretaries.

Your mom should know better - if you're going to name dogs Lucy and Desi, they should be cocker spaniels! Jeez.

On the positive side, I find that if I like a pundit or media personality and start following them on Twitter, I tend to like them more and become a bigger fan of theirs. If I follow someone and I don’t like their Twitter feed, I unfollow them and often have a changed opinion of the person.

Yes, change your political views and affiliations in 140 characters or less! I think that's called "shallow". Which we already knew you were.

By the way, I no longer follow Congressman Weiner on Twitter at the request of my mother. She said it made her uncomfortable.

Well, I'm sure he's devastated. And I'm sure he's very concerned about what he's going to twat at us from rehab.

But she makes a good twit.

Classic Shred - But Don't Expect Many of These

In other words, I'm about to shred an attention whore, and since it sort of goes against my religion (Anti-Raffianite, Ecclesians Chapter 39) to draw attention to attention whores, I doubt I'll be doing many shreds of THIS particular moron. And say what you want about current leaders not being stupid, but evil, but THIS isn't a leader, and she IS stupid.

So what leftard tard-tard attention whore am I talking about? Meghan McCain, of course. Just reading through her titles at Daily Beast is like watching someone scream repeatedly "Look at me! Look at ME!" and her behavior prior to interviews is worse, and the content of the articles cloying, almost unbearable. So I will shred one, just one, "Look at ME!" and get it out of my system.

Oh God, now I see the other one. They're all horrible! And Michael Ian Black? What the fuck? Did someone surgically remove your sense of humor or did it come out in your last enema? SERIOUSLY, dude, MEGHAN? Ok, make that two articles and I'll do them later. It's too late to start and I'm bumming. Nighty night.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Feminist Phobia/Leftard Idiocy

A friend of mine just stated that she no longer believes the hard left is hypocritical, but that instead they are operating on abject fear and dread, which makes them DO hypocritical things (like suddenly turning to Ann Coulter for comfort because Sarah Palin/the Tea Party is so scary that Coulter looks good.)

Well obviously I would agree. And I went underground to bring you back burnt feminist offerings that prove it.

Allow me to note for a mutual friend that while Palin may not have discussed Senator McCarthy yet, as Coulter has done, you WILL note please that Palin IS McCarthy - Palin/McCarthy Google Search. So you see, this is one reason some of us support her :) But the burnt offerings; let's cut to the chase. The question was out of all the "dipfucks" running for president, which Republican would be the worst, and why? I think the answers show us what we all already knew, eh?

I can't choose. Anytime I think of any of them, I just get so angry that I can barely articulate the causes of my rage and fear. I feel like they are dragging us towards The Handmaid's Tale and there's very little I can do to stop it.

You poor thing. For those who don't know, The Handmaid's Tale is a leftist's wet dream of terror (which they love to bask in.) The conservative faction has assumed full power, and half the women are infertile. Those who are fertile are consigned to slavery, in which they are passed around to the rich infertile conservatives (because all the infertile women are married to rich conservative men) so that they can bear children for the baby-hungry wives and perpetuate the human race. The whole thing is full of dystopian in-your-face, fist-to-the-junk self-assertiveness - it's a movie that absolutely insists upon itself. And the left is certain that that is the direction in which we are quite literally moving. Heh.

Otherwise, Sarah Palin. I have a passionate hate for her. I think mostly what I find upsetting is that she's a woman who is in the spotlight and she could have the power for so much good. But instead of calling attention to important issues, or really doing anything to help others, she just spews garbage and ignorance every chance she gets. I know she's not a feminist, but if she were... can't you just imagine how awesome it would be? Yeah, I think I hate her the most because she's a woman who doesn't want to further the cause of women.

She's a woman who doesn't support the same causes as me and thus is using her power for evil. Never mind that the power comes from the fact that she is NOT promoting the evil of the left and of radical feminism - however she got there, she should now embrace socialist feminist politics and a radical abortion agenda to slake the blood thirst of the ravenous left.

Since they are all angling to try and make the Shrub look like a hippy, can't I just pick "All of the Above"? Really, since apparently the primaries are going to come down to who can keep a straight face the longest while pitching the Ryan "War on the Middle Class" Plan and whatever new absurdity/abomination the TEA Party proposes, does it really matter who gets the nomination?

Yeah, Gingrich and Romney sure are radical fucking Teabaggers! Damn them and their fascist, wingnut ideas! Like socialized health care and undermining the conservative agenda...oh, wait.

If I imagine any of them in the Situation Room, I start looking at websites on how easy it is to move to St. Kitts.

We ain't falling for THAT again. You leftards swore up and down you'd move to France if Bush won the election, and the only one who did was Johnny Depp - and even he likes the shooting range (much to the chagrin of his European wife.) No, you're not going anywhere and we know it; you'll stay and whine and hold your breath and stomp your feet like always.

I can't answer his question because they are all shades of just fucking awful to me.

But tell us how you really feel.

I have long been training my dog to poop in dipfucks' shoes. The candidate with the smallest shoe size will both create the most difficult target and result in the least satisfying pile of steamy fecal goodness.

In terms of the nation, I think they'll all turn it into shit pretty much equally. I have to distinguish where I can.

Well that's different. So as you talk about literally filling shoes with shit, it's the other people who are turning everything to shit. I'd say I see what you did there, except it was dumb. No soup for you!

While I agree with everyone who has commented that the field of R candidates or potential candidates if a clusterf*ck of gigantic proportions should any of them get into the office what I've been reading lately about Herman Cain scares the living ceiling cat out of me.

He scares Barry too! Speaking of which, so does Allen West -

Jokingly, I'd have to go with Obama, because he's sneaky enough to call himself a Democrat while doing absolutely nothing progressive.

Wait a minute, you caught that? He's TRYING to fool the conservatives. Y U No support his strategy? Y U give away his secret plans? (Let him think it's a secret as long as possible, so shhhh!)

Sarah Palin.

Because James Franco.

Um. Ok.

Palin because she's not even serious about the idea of governing, and the thought of her making policy that affects people's lives when all she really wants to do is get attention makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

Oooh that smell. The smell of fear.

Rick Perry...As a Texan, and an Austinite, I can tell you that man scares the ever living crap out of me. If he enters the race, he WILL win the nomination. He's charismatic, is a Tea Party darling, a vicious theocratic misogynistic homophobe, and just an all around mean awful garbage pile of bullshit.


Are Ron and Rand Paul running? Then them. They'd dismantle every last government agency and privatize it, and the only thing they'd regulate is abortions and birth control.

That's for Mr. McCarthy. Dismantle every government agency, eh? Well I know who my backup guys are, then. I hope that's true.

The one that actually wins. 'Cause that's the one that's going to do the damage - the others will just get to have fun yipping-chasing-rabbits-dreams about it.

I thought your messiah was unbeatable. Hope! Change! After all, he's got the ACORN voter fraud in his favor, so what are you worried about? Vote early and often! Keep spare cigarettes to buy the bum-American vote!

I'd have to say Palin or Bachmann. I think they'd all be awful, but especially those two because they're women. The amount of sexist shit that would be thrown at them on an hourly basis would make me want to move anywhere else. And I'd have to spend loads of time defending them from the sexist shit, even though I don't like them.

The noble version of feminism.

Bachmann gets my hatred for her comments about the IRS allowing breast pumps to be purchased with tax free savings accounts as the government "buying" breastfeeding mothers' pumps and "the definition of a nanny state." WHUT?

Oh, shit. I'm never going there again. A hard leftard just said something I agree with. Of course, I'm FOR slashing taxes radically and she isn't, so we don't REALLY agree, but still.

1. For a passing moment, I wondered if any actual registered Republicans ever commented here and if they would get huffy over the question.

2. They scare the ever loving shit out of this female, liberal pastor, especially the subtle ones.

1. Fat chance bwahaha!

2. As Fred Reed once said to Andrea Dworkin about her rape obsession/terror - "There, there, Andrea...nights just don't get dark enough." But ding ding ding! The terror-mobile again - told ya!

Santorum...He's of a similarly theocratic bent, although I think he's less dangerous than Huckabee because he's less adept at seeming like a reasonable, likable guy. Like MinervaB, I think Huckabee's manner allows him to sneak his horrible ideas past people, so I think he could actually get a lot of votes outside of the Christianist hard core, and that frightens me.

As a hard core "Christianist" (WTF does that mean?) nothing to worry about there- Huckabee doesn't fool me.

She continues -

I don't think Santorum poses that kind of a threat, but the comment about torture you featured as Quote of the Day a few days back took my breath away with its evil.

Ding ding ding! Fear!

Oh my gods. Never mind moving to a different country, seeing all the options there makes me want to move to a different planet (possibly Venus, Jupiter, or Neptune - yeah, I might not be able to breathe, but at least I'd have a good reason for winding up dead, rather than "what's this button do?"; "For Jesus!!!1!!"; or "I'm boooored.").

(PS: for those who aren't aware, I'm Australian. I don't live in the US. I don't want to live in the US. You have my profoundest sympathies, and I'd like to remind you all that our borders remain open to those who arrive by any non-maritime method.)

As a public service, I insist that you post this information conspicuously and repeatedly at EVERY leftist American site. The rest of us will levy one last tax to pay their airfare - first class, even! And you all can figure out how to financially support them all after that.

Gov. Goodhair scares me because he has actual charisma, especially for folks with conservative leanings. The fact that he's actually a self-serving, hypocritical, pandering douchebag doesn't seem to register with the true believers, which gives him an actual chance to win. That would make me very afraid.

Don't know who governor goodhair is, but FEAR!

Governor Goodhair, especially after reading about his 'all good christians hate everyone' rally in Houston in August. I mean, I would have said him anyways, but today added a new reason...as if I needed a new reason, lolsob.

Have you heard about Australia's open borders? Here's a hanky for the trip.

*makes note to renew passport in case sudden flight to Australia becomes necessary*

See, they WANT to go - let's do them a favor.

I have to go with Palin. We'd be at war with half the world by the time she quit, and her VP replacement would probably be worse.

We would? That's funny, because I seem to remember seeing her with the Afghani president, and he found her disarming and charming. In fact, Sarkozy and all the other leaders she met with seemed quite taken with her as well. How's that Obama apology tour working out for you?

I gotta say Huckabee. I can't even put my finger on why--he just makes me break into a cold sweat more than anyone else. I just feel like he's pure evil.

I think that's the fear of God. The unhealthy kind.

I had to wave "hi" because I'm a female, liberal minister.

Yeah, we know, somebody's gotta do all the gay weddings.

I can't. I just can't. I guess maybe Romney is the least horrifying, but just about all of the others really do give me visions of The Handmaid's Tale.

They've had visions of the Handmaid's Tale since it was written in 1985. It applies to every single less-than-hard-left semi-conservative, RINO and libertarian that has ever existed. FEAR!

And he's just as disingenuous as his slick persona implies, too. He doesn't care about the Tea Party, but he'll sure as shit use them.

Yes, and we're too stupid to know the difference LOL. Talk about being used - you guys get used like a rubber every day by your leadership - that workin' out well for ya' or you got hepatitis yet?

I'm with all those who want to move to another country. All the candidates, proposed and supposed, scare the heck out of me.

Ding ding ding!

And without further ado, since I mentioned Fred Reed and his hilarious "Feminist Tarantulas" (A Rural Male Reflects on Feminist Incivility, While Calculating Windage) piece, here's some linky love for one of the original anti-establishment libertarian internet presences - Fredoneverything

Monday, June 6, 2011

Too Funny - Democraps

You know what this reminds me of?

This: (do watch it; it's hilarious) -

Of course, Wasserman picked a GREAT time to pull this horseshit (It's ok, he's a democrat!) considering that someone ELSE has now come to the fore with tons of communications from Weiner, risque pictures, dirty talks, so on and so forth - and he can't claim he was hacked THIS time. Haha! Gotta love it.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Michelle's Plan - Lie Your Ass Off

Michelle's plan for thinning out our youth in addition to starving them and inviting heart trouble, diabetes and cancer? LIE TO THEM.

You'll note that she mentions poor urban black communities but the ad takes place in a white family's house, in an upper middle class neighborhood.

As I Hate the Media posited, one can imagine Barry pulling this same stunt on Michelle to reduce her wide load, asking her to fetch his wallet and sending her to the Oval Office, up and down the stairs, etc.

Good find, I Hate the Media.