If you happen to have read something totally shred-worthy and you think you can make me giggle, I'd love guest submissions. Just drop me an email at jessiesmithee@gmail.com with your entry in it (I like a picture on top of each post, but if you can't think of one I'll do it) and I'll throw it up on the board and see who salutes. Just remember to REALLY shred that thing; dig in your teeth and rip it to bits. Always keeping humor on the front burner of course; this place is supposed to be fun!
And if you want me to keep it anonymous, that's no problem either. Just let me know in the email.
Another blogger had told me they were having trouble leaving a comment for you, so they asked me to try leaving one as a test.
ReplyDeleteDon't shred on me!
That was a gorgeous joke, thank you! Hehe...I'm gonna steal that one.
ReplyDeleteIf your friend is the nice man who sent me the email, tell him I realize swearing is a bad habit, but it's one that's almost impossible to break for some reason. When I returned to work a few years ago to discover that people were using the F-word casually all over the place -bosses and peons alike- I was pretty stunned. Believe it or not, I managed NOT to swear the whole time I was there. They'd be surprised to read this stuff, I bet.
And absolutely, if you find something you'd like *me* to shred as opposed to doing it yourself, pass it along!
Also, ask him if he's ever seen "Man on the Moon" and he can just consider me Andy Kaufman. ;)
MZ. SHREDDER ~
ReplyDeleteI didn't Email you (did I?) If so... gosh, I musta been really drunk because I don't remember Emailing you. Hell, I don't even remember drinking.
But interestingly, the comment I tried leaving repeatedly DID mention your cussing. And I did say that I generally do my own shredding in my own way, but that I intend to quit blogging soon and may need you to do some shredding for me after my retirement.
Hell, yes, I saw "Man On The Moon". I love Andy Kaufman. (I say "love" and not "loved" because I know he's still alive and will someday return. It'll be his greatest stunt ever!)
[Did this flippin' comment post?!]
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
Hey, no worries; I forget my drunken madness all the time - I'll NEVER judge you for that (friends help you move - GOOD friends help you move BODIES). Unless you like curse me out or something, then all's required is "Oops, drunk" and I'll say "Yep, happens." That's the extent of it! :D Honest injun ;) Oh, and a kind comment now and again - today someone called me sweetness and said he was glad to give me a boost; now wasn't that nice?
ReplyDeleteSee, now I'M getting a little sloppy (uh, not yet; trying, but I'm running dangerously low on booze so it might not happen; looking bad right now...ugh you don't know how bad) but to the point the real point - MILOS FORMAN!!!
Man on the Moon! My man has TASTE! (I'm sorry, if you're married I'm not meaning to call you my man; it's a turn of phrase! Tell her that, please.) But Milos Forman has made only like 3 American movies and they come widely spaced but all masterpieces. First there was Hair (you have to know Hair - you want links I provide them.) Then there was Amadeus. One of the most beautiful movies of all time. And uh, yeah, no, FIRST there was Cuckoo's Nest! THAT'S the one I was missing!!! My God you HAVE to love Cuckoo's Nest! Did you ever see "The Making Of"? The doctor was the ACTUAL doctor of that ACTUAL hospital that they all ACTUALLY stayed in and all stayed in character for months. Got great stories about THAT, too. Poor Danny DeVito thought he might really be going crazy lol. Are you with me here? Am I losing you? I know this is long. But it means a lot to me. Me and my family actually speak in movies to each other; one says a line; the other completes it...go ahead, mock if you will ;) (You might know the answer to that.)
Ok ok ok Man on the Moon - see, I was sort of "into" wrestling at the time because my boyfriend loved it and we watched it together. I'm like, wait a minute, that faggy little Mighty Mouse guy is wrestling GIRLS now? WHAT?! Oh I was so mad. Then suddenly he's in a feud with Jerry Lawlor? WHAT? Uh obviously Jerry Lawlor was superior, and indeed Lawlor kicked his ass. So we're watching Letterman and out comes ANDY with this neck brace and Lawlor and Andy get into this huge fight, we were stunned! IT WAS ALL A HUGE PUNK! And on Fridays, the Friday night SNL, suddenly he breaks out of character and they get into a huge fight onscreen...I NEVER knew what happened behind the scenes until the movie 15 or 20 years later! THAT, my friend, is genius. And DeVito screams at them "Ok great, you got a joke, that is funny to TWO PEOPLE IN THE UNIVERSE!" Haha!! Until NOW lmao! And even now his girlfriend is not certain...not certain at all...with Andy, you never know.
So we'll make that our codeword - with Andy, you never know. How's that? Because with me, you never know either. (And I dare say with you, we never know either, do we?) We have an entire internet UNIVERSE here; there's Second Life, there's...jeez, there's a UNIVERSE. Like Stephen King invented and never delivered on. Like Ann Rice DID deliver on but she did it on dead men's bones. It's a playground. And we...hehe...well one day my daughter was being bad and my son wasn't (those two went in cycles; it was torture - for 6 months he was good and she was bad, then vice versa and so on and so forth) but in that one stage he was sitting with me on the couch and she came out with a fake apology or something and I said fine, and she was walking away and my son said, "WE ahh best fwends and YOU ahh BAD!" as she walked away. (See now I can never tell that story on my regular blog lol.)
But it's part of our family lexicon. So it goes. Now I guess I'll go put on a movie and hope like hell there's an answer when I get back in an hour or so. But I sure spilled. You don't have to spill but you do have to at least say something nice. K? Hugs.
Stephen, I'm so sorry; here are your comments back (and thank you for answering!!) Also, you've got mail!!
ReplyDeleteStephen McCarthy: "OK, lots of things to say here and it’s getting late (or earlyless), so I might have to return and finish this comment tomorrow. But let’s see how far I get now…
First of all, it was not me who Emailed you. I very nearly did so when I couldn’t get my comment to post after repeated attempts on various days. I don’t know who Emailed you, but it wasn’t me.
>>> . . . Man on the Moon! My man has TASTE! (I'm sorry, if you're married I'm not meaning to call you my man; it's a turn of phrase! Tell her that, please.)
Not to worry. Not married. Never was. (Color me “Smart”.) You can call me anything except late for Happy Hour.
>>> . . . But Milos Forman has made only like 3 American movies and they come widely spaced but all masterpieces. First there was Hair (you have to know Hair - you want links I provide them.)
Don’t need links. Love “Hair”. Own “Hair”. Wrote a review of “Hair” some years ago which, just for you, I will post on my ‘STUFFS’ blog tomorrow. Er— I mean, “later today”.
Milos Forman is probably my all-time favorite movie director. I haven’t seen a lot of his movies, but those I have seen are all freakin’ exceptional! I’m hardly a “Director Groupie”, as I don’t often pay a lot of attention to that category. But if I had to select just two favorites, it would likely go: #1: Milos Forman; #2: Frank Capra.
>>> . . . Then there was Amadeus.
I’ve seen it 3 or 4 times. Just bought myself a DVD copy of it last week (or whenever it was that you and I mentioned some of the dialogue, and I said Salieri’s line about being forgiven for our “mediocrity” appeals to me). The DVD is lying on my living room floor right now.
>>> . . . And uh, yeah, no, FIRST there was Cuckoo's Nest! THAT'S the one I was missing!!! My God you HAVE to love Cuckoo's Nest!
Yes, you HAVE TO love ‘Cuckoo’s Nest’. Hell, you can’t even be a friend of mine if you don’t love ‘Cuckoo’s Nest’. In fact, wanna know the truth of it? In an indirect way, the movie ‘Cuckoo’s Nest’ is responsible for the title of my political blog: “Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends”. How so? Read and know:
http://xtremelyun-pcandunrepentant.blogspot.com/2009/08/mccarthy-at-hollywood-and-vine-episode.html
>>> . . . Did you ever see "The Making Of"?
Yup. Own it. It’s on the 2-disc ‘Cuckoo’s Nest’ set I has.
>>> . . . Me and my family actually speak in movies to each other; one says a line; the other completes it...
My brother Nappy and I do that with Cheech Y Chong skits!
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Stephen McCarthy sez: ">>> . . . go ahead, mock if you will ;) (You might know the answer to that.)
ReplyDeleteOh, shit! I can’t quite place it, but I know I know it, because it sounds so flippin’ familiar. It’s like on the tip of my mind. Damn! [I’ll Google it after I post this, and then kick myself because I know I know it!] It’s a comedy – that much I recall.
>>> . . . Ok ok ok Man on the Moon - see, I was sort of "into" wrestling at the time because my boyfriend loved it and we watched it together. I'm like, wait a minute, that faggy little Mighty Mouse guy is wrestling GIRLS now? WHAT?! Oh I was so mad.
Of course you were. His goal was to make you (and pretty much every other woman in America) mad. He was so freakin’ wonderful.
>>> . . . Then suddenly he's in a feud with Jerry Lawlor? WHAT? Uh obviously Jerry Lawlor was superior, and indeed Lawlor kicked his ass.
Yeah, I saw that when it happened too. But I was already “on to him” and his shtick by then and thus immediately called it for the stunt it was. But they made it look really real!
I remember when he first broke on the scene – before “Taxi” and all that other stuff – he would appear as some unknown guest doing these incredibly bad impersonations (Archie Bunker, Richard Nixon, etc.) Then he’d say, “Now I am going to do the Elvis Presley”. Everyone’s expecting more crap by now, and he just knocks it out of the ballpark. I’m sure you must remember. I loved him immediately, right from those first appearances as some unknown comic (not “The Unknown Comic” but just some unknown comic).
>>> . . . So we'll make that our codeword - with Andy, you never know. How's that? Because with me, you never know either.
Yeah, I know, with you, I never know.
>>> . . . But it's part of our family lexicon. So it goes. Now I guess I'll go put on a movie and hope like hell there's an answer when I get back in an hour or so. But I sure spilled. You don't have to spill but you do have to at least say something nice. K? Hugs.
Sorry. I was so busy replying to all those comments on my ‘Separation Of Church & State’ blog bits (several of which came from you!) that I didn’t get back here for days. But here’s something nice: I really like BOTH of your blogs! You entertain me no end! Most politically oriented blogs are not much fun, but yours are.
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You have got mail, Mr. McCarthy!
ReplyDeleteDo check it, k?
"Don’t need links. Love “Hair”. Own “Hair”. Wrote a review of “Hair” some years ago which, just for you, I will post on my ‘STUFFS’ blog tomorrow. Er— I mean, “later today”.
Sweet! I'll be there in a minute!
Hehe; you are very good at figuring things out - I never saw the Kaufman thing coming until the movie. Then I was blown away. Still anxiously awaiting his triumphal return!
I don't think I've been called entertaining more than but once or twice in my whole net life that I'm aware of. AWESOME!
Stephen, you don't got mail because I don't know where to send it LOL!
ReplyDeleteHow about this; you are 100% right and if you email me I will tell you everything :) I would have told you in the first place (and I did send an email elsewhere; musta gotten lost) but I didn't realize you'd be interested. I got nothing to hide from nice people like you.
No wonder you were still wondering; wherever I sent my last 3 emails to you, it wasn't to you. Obviously. I just clicked "reply" and assumed - bad idea.