Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Ok ok so I promised you a daily blog and I so didn't deliver. Hey, I got shit to do, you know? But I think I can do better than I have so far. The blogger I'm currently shredding comes out with so much shit that it's really almost impossible to keep up. I'll have to get back to where I started, though, because there really is some funny stuff there. But let's start with where we are now - she's got a whole category called "assvertising" which translates into "advertisements that piss me off, especially because I think they're sexist." Now gee, you'd think she'd just get up and make a sandwich or get a drink like the rest of us would, but apparently getting up from the seat it just a little too difficult (if you saw her you'd probably know why) so it's easier and more fun to hop on the laptop and start a'bitchin'.
The latest "assvertising" takes place in a commercial for Dove body wash for men. Apparently this is sexist both against men AND women in one fell swoop - a twofer! It supposedly explains to men the need to moisturize their skin, just like an old piece of rawhide or something. But this message is brought to you by the...dun dun DUNNNNNN - PATRIARCHY! Thus it must be destroyed on contact. Her husband said (yeah, she has one - don't ask me) that it was both insulting to *secure* men but inherently misogynistic because "Fates fucking forfend men should use a product for women on his man-hide." Feminists LOVE the word "forfend", which is one of the reasons we laugh at them so hard. I think they probably like it because it starts with F. I'm not going to go into the bizarre and twisted logic by which they claim this is true because it makes absolutely no sense and there's no point wasting your time with it.
So we'll move right to the funny part which is <blockquote>
There are plenty of men whose male identity is not frail, not in constant need of nurture and reassurance, not held in thrall to a compulsion to display their masculinity in order that it may be acknowledged and admired.
Those men, however, tend to be feminists.</blockquote>
Haha! Yes, we all know that feminist men don't need their "masculinity" acknowledged...what masculinity? Feminist men are the biggest pussies there are. Yes, see what I did there? I just used pussy in a negative way! MISOGYNY! But have you ever tried to hold a conversation with one of those guys? It's like being put through the wringer in pussy hell. And if they're NOT huge pussies, they're the bossiest sonsabitches going. There's no happy medium, no regular guys. Well, there aren't any regular women either, but I digress. You do tend to get a lot of men who are "transitioning" into women...hmm, maybe there's something to that but that's for another time.
The solution to this "problem" she informs us helpfully? MORE FEMINISM! Because, tragically, patriarchy hurts women AND men. Sad, sad, sad.
On a funny note, in a category called "Both Sides Are Not Just as Bad" (hey, we agree on something...oh, wait) she refers to Jon Stewart as a "future conservative." Now that just made me laugh. You mean that guy who held a counter-rally against Tea Partiers about "Restoring Sanity" alongside COLBERT, with attendees bussed in by the tens of thousands by Arianna Huffington and Oprah Winfrey and people held up filthy signs about "teabaggers" and "BusHitler" and how evil conservatives are? That Stewart? Oh yeah, I can see your point. Hahaha!